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Panic
2010-04-25It's funny how some days everything feels good and some days everything feels bad.
Somehow, I managed to birdie the first hole. Somehow is exactly what it felt like. My body felt totally different from two days ago when I cruised around in very strong winds shooting under par and never thinking about bad shots. Not exactly true but you get the point. On the second hole today, hell broke loose. The hole has played very easy in down wind but was now into the wind of the left. I hate into the wind of the left at the moment. I've had a tendency to leek it out right. Great thoughts to have. Not! And I got what I asked for. I leaked it out right and found the water. A bunch of shots later I had a triple bogey on the card. "Great start asshole. Thanks idiot". Not the conversation you want in your head with 16 holes to play. Specially when these 16 holes are playing tough in a 2-3 club wind.
Par the 3rd and double the fourth after chasing an eagle and flying the green. Now I started blaming Colin for not stopping me to hit that club that had a chance to go over the green. I don't like myself when I try to blame someone else. It's my responsability and if I would have hit the shot we both agreed on, it would have been the right club.
4 over after 4 and I'm panicking. I've felt this panic before. First in junior golf, then amatuer golf and then college golf. All the times I've started rounds really bad, I've felt the same panic feelings. I go out of my own body and want to leave the golf course. One of my strongest beleifs is to never give up so leaving the course is not an option. So instead I still grind and focus and I tell myself to grind and focus. But, when you tell yourself to grind and focus you don't actually focus. You focus on focusing. So, I do everything exept focusing on what I should do. All I can do is to focus on what not to do. Where not to hit it and what score not to shoot. In amatuer and college golf, I was always very worried what my teammates and coaches would say and think when I would let them down with a bad score. Now, I only have myself to let down. That feels a lot easier to handle.
So, why do I write this? I write it because I need to get rid of it somehow. Also, when I read Andre Agassi's book "Open" he explained how bad he felt at times and that gave me a boost to see that a world number one feels bad sometimes so I feel that I have a chance to succeed, So, maybe you guys now understand how I, ranked 70th in the world now and 52nd as my highest rank, can feel this bad and this will probably make some of you feel good. Even though I'm far from number one this might still be interesting to read.Another reason why I write this down is that I really want to remember this day beacuse I want to feel how good it feels when I manage my golf and especially my head better and then I can compare to this dreadful day. That's why I love improvent. There is nothing sweeter than getting better and understanding how nice it feels compared to those bad feelings.
The newly produced plan I've got is really helping me feel good about myself even after a day like today. I'm so excited to get to Seville and get a new tournament underway. Played in Seville two years ago and finished 12th and I remember I loved the course and the weather so I got a smile on my face when thinking about it. I just have to go through Tokyo, Frankfurt, Barcelona to get there. No worries. The usual shut-off-the-brain for 36 hours should do the trick. I somehow lost my sleeping pills though. No good. Thinking about heading out in Narita outside Tokyo with the guys and try to stay up as long as possible so I can sleep the whole way to Frankfurt from here.
So, see you in Seville or at an airport before that.alex
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C7qiqs Comrade kill yourself..reply
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M898k6 Can be also this issue because the truth can be achieved only in a dispute :DDreply
Cami
If information were soccer, this would be a gooooaol!reply
Eric
How exactly does the shut-off-the-brain-trick work?reply
Philip
sleeping pills are not good. You loose your sleep rythm and it's not healthyreply
Rick
Alex...been reading your blog for a while now, and this has been your most important entry to date. (Though not necessarily the most fun.) In the end, I think these inner demons and thought processes may very well be the true essence of the game, with scoring being the by-product, and it is great to know that you guys (pros) fight them the same way (ams) we do. Well said, and thank you.reply
Erik Forsberg
Tough, but you could anyway enjoy the view out of the window at Holiday Inn, Narita Airport.. ;-). Welcome back to CET time. Take care. //Erikreply
Gary
A bad day at the office Alex! Anew week a new tournament, i've read Bob Rotella's books and the do give an interesting perspective of the game. Safe travels for Seville, chin up and play well. Great blog real interesting to get a look inside the life of a european tour golfer. best wishes.reply
Hjuulio
Hi Alex shit happens sometimes but you can only think next tournaments :-) let it rip at full. The battle continues...... Hälsa Mikkofun read yours blog :-) jag kan bättre Svenska och Finska...
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Florian
Feels amost inappropriate from an amateur but get a copy of "15th Club The Inner Secret to Great Golf" by Bob Rotella; i realy liked it and helped me to get rid of all those negative feelings and the panic you described. I believe that if u´re we´re you are, gettin your mindset right is the biggest chance to get better..Good luck for next week and keep up the good work!
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Orn
Thanks for sharing your feeling with us. I went out and did not get to watch the tournament on TV today.A bit shock to see your finish score. Something must have gone terribly wrong I thought to myself. You must be gutted and upset about it.
I was looking forward to reading your daily update on here.
Hope you feel better now. Have a safe journey. Be positive for the next tournament. Always rooting for you.
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bo
Nobody feels good if it doesn´t work for you, but it is a roller coaster sometimes, we look forward to Seville,The season has started here at home, next time you are in Gothenburg tell me.
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bo
Nobody feels good if it doesn´t work for you, but it is a roller coaster sometimes, we look forward to Seville,The season has started here at home, next time you are in Gothenburg tell me.
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DIANE
Hi Alex,Can't dwell on the past apart from draw on the experience...it's all part of lifes tapestry ......wouldn't be much fun if you went out and had a good day every day.......
Looking forward to Seville...I'll be watching you from here in the UK...and at least with it being a better time zone we should be able to watch more "live" play....
Looking forward to your next blog ....chin up...and hope you have a good journey.........Diane
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Dean
Great entry Alex, it really does help us hackers to know that guys in the top 100 go through the same thought patterns and problems with their games sometimes and to realise that the "cure" is just to keep going and trying even harder and smarter next time, Ernie Els had a bit of a blow up on his back nine too, these things happen to the best of us! the champion is another example of persistance paying off - seven years between tour wins is a long time but he got there and now feels on top of the world i bet. Agassi had it easy - he could make 40 unforced errors in a match and still win it - pro golfers sure don't have that luxury!Enjoy the journey Alex